So with the fading light Khao San Road really comes alive and all the street vendors venture from their dwellings like nocturnal predators hunting prey... The tourist. Bangkok for me has a vampires kiss and with too much time spent here I soon become a creature of the night... Along the whole of Khao San road you have street vendors selling fake T-shirts, watches, sunglasses, music and Dvd's. Various Cafes spill into the road selling cheap draft beers and portable bars set up with surrounding tables and chairs. At one end you find the ladyboy flowery cocktail bar campervan where you can get your fill of cheap drink while the ladyboys dance to entice other drinkers. The streets are filled with backpackers, holidays makers, Thai's on the town, expats, bar girls, lady boys and sex tourists all sharing the same restaurants and bars.

Bangkok is the start, middle and end of everybody’s trip; you will find it hard to avoid spending at least a night here if you are in South East Asia. It’s a good transition into travelling the area as it still has all the Western comforts of home with it’s 7-eleven’s, cinemas, Western pubs and immense shopping capabilities. The culture shock will be enough to have you looking around perhaps a little dazed but not enough for a suckerpunch greeting! After a few drinks you can sample the different street foods with the Pat Thai (fried veg and noodles) being a favourite choice for many travellers or the insect stalls for the more adventurous. On offer at these stalls are fried insects which are about 10 Bhat for a bag (20p) and your choices are beetles, cockroaches, locusts, grubs and scorpion.

I generally always stay in the Marco Polo Hostel an overpriced guesthouse with very depressing rooms with no natural light, but the one thing I feel I need in Bangkok... Air-con! Next door is the Susie Pub a lively little place frequented mainly by Thai people, which seems friendly if a little squashed.

I had met a friend ane from Lao in the street and so for the first night I had some company to try out some Bangkok clubs. We went into the Austin Club a two-story place with mainly Thai people and where again the cheap whiskey was promptly purchased. It's a nice little place and with out any of the aggression and intimidation that you would find in British clubs. Most of the night Ane spent trying to set me up with Thai girls and usually I would be unaware of this until afterwards as Lao and Thai are fairly similar languages. The morning after I awoke laying next to I bag of locust heads and the remains of a scorpion, something I must have picked up and eaten after I'd walked Ane home.

Days can easily be spent just wondering the many different stalls and being tempted into shopping. I had been deciding whether I should get my driving license in Bangkok, there is a stall that sells them. They take 1 night and seem to be pretty good; it costs about 1,400 bhat but I had haggled down to 800 bhat, but in the end I decided against it. You can also get yourself any diploma from any University as well as student cards and press Id's. Could be quite useful when I get to Australia I hear they pay brain surgeons well!

A couple of Ane's friends joined us the next day and we spent the late hours sitting on the pavement in one of the streets the temple end of Khao San road. Back home I'd be labelled a tramp but in Bangkok it's cool and nobody cares. Once all the pubs shut at 1 o'clock you can go down this street and continue your drinking, the reason being to the police it looks like farang's drinking slowly. Whereas in reality they have just taken away the chairs, given you mats to sit on and hidden the Beer Chang from view!

One night we sampled pretty much all the clubs around the Khao San Road area some of which were surprisingly quiet, others like The Octopus Club were trendy places with all the rich Thai youngsters Jazzing away! The prices for drinks were on the same range as back home and by now being asked to pay 2 quid for a bottle of beer leaves me walking away in horror… Yes, it is true I have become cheapness itself!

As far as sightseeing goes the Grand Palace is the one place that really needs a visit when in Bangkok, it's impressive and the royal Wat contains the emerald Buddha statue. This Buddha I’m told has been relocated throughout history, at one time I hear it resided in Chang Mai when it was part of the Laos kingdom but I have read no written conformation of this. Being the Royal temple means the visiting is all a bit formal, so to enter you need to be suitably dressed. The requirements checked on entry are long trousers, no shirtless tops and none of those gay little thongs with the plastic V that everybody seems to wear.

Guarding the entrances to the temples stand ornamental statues of guys in elaborate armour with big pointy teeth and snarling faces. As to what they are actually supposed to be I am not sure maybe Daemons. Whatever they are these dudes deserved a few photographs. At one side of the Wat there is a miniature version of Angkor Wat (Cambodia) which was quite cool to look at after already being there. Unfortunately by now my temple card has been maxed and I had less interest in the place than it deserved.

The golden mount Wat in the centre of Bangkok is a good place to go for a decent view over the city, to my eyes it's not a particularly pretty city but it was nice to be able to get above the rush of the city streets. Another way to view the city is a peaceful river ride at sunset where you can watch the city make the transition between daytime working and nighttime party.

While we were in Bangkok the Thai's were celebrating the birthday of the queen. The Thai's really make an occasion of it with pictures put up along the main roads surrounded by lights and an open air festival in the centre of the city. Large crowds assemble for a range of music performances and plays, while wondering around the park sampling street foods and the shopping along the pavement markets.

The movie magnet of Khoa San road's restaurants has a strong pull when walking the busy streets and in desperate need to get away from the throng of people. I generally don't like being in crowded areas for too long and after a while I start to get an uncontrollable rage filling me that does not normally form part of my daily character, a blinding claustrophobia which confuses and angers me. On these occasions I need to get off the streets at once before I start to run blindly in any direction where a gap in the crowds appears scattering anyone walking into my path! At least this is the excuse I find to work best for watching endless movies!!!

As I was to find out the ladyboys of Bangkok might look like women but are really not to be messed with as behind this appearance lies the rage and anger of a man! These girl/guys take pills or have operations to give them breastage and many also have their throats and knackers cut which to some drunken travellers dismay can lead to an embarrassing and terrifying morning after! In Thailand the whole ladyboy thing is totally excepted to the point where it is just considered as another gender... You have male, female and the ladyboy! To be honest though anyone should be able to spot them a mile off by their height and deeper voices and the fact that although they look very much like women, there is something slightly odd about them! If a woman is tall speaks like a horror movie advertiser and looks a little strange then run forest run!

So I am sitting on the pavement of Khao San Road at 3 o'clock watching the last of the vendors, prostitutes and drunken tourists fade away when some wasted ladyboys decided that Ane and Tong being Laotian must be prostitutes invading their territory... Frantic Lao/Thai arguing ensues while Jill and I sit a little bewildered until tempers raise to the point where death threats are being issued as the ladyboys shout into their mobile phones. I failed at first to see the danger of this seeing as they were guys dressed up as women and obviously not a threat from where I come from in England, they would be laughed at. Jill a French social worker who spends a lot of time in Thailand was soon to assure me that the threats were very real for the girls and that he should take them back to the hotel at once. Not so much a problem for us, as a tourist you have to be really out of order to get yourself in trouble with Bangkok's underworld!

So I end up standing in the street and trying to mollify what has now turned into a group of ladyboys trying to get them to forget the whole thing and go and do their ladyboy thing! I admit to being a little worried when one of the particularly volatile ladyboys said "Me and my friends will come round to your hotel and show you why I'm called a ladyboy!” I've never been threatened with buggery before and it's not a very pleasant threat! It was all cool in the end but I made sure to lock and bolt my hotel door that night, as well as pushing my backpack against the door, setting traps and sleeping with one eye open... hugging my Gurkha Knife... While sniffling! and maybe trembling just a little.

The Muay Thai boxing I have been to a number of times now whether it be the stadiums of Bangkok where the boxers fight with flare, skill and passion for a prize or at the exhibition matches where the fighters are just at play. As a sport it is admittedly brutal but also has a ritual and grace of movements that makes it fascinating and enjoyable to watch. These guys have about 10 round boughts of knees to the ribs which shows and inhuman endurance that I could never have.

The fights start with the boxers entering either side of the ring, removing a headband looking similar to a stringless tennis racket and then bowing to each side of the ring. The music then starts which is a whiny string instrument piece to which the boxers then shadow box/slow dance around the ring to, I would guess to show of their skill and balance before the fighting commences. The boxers will go down to their knees while swaying and punching at the air to then stand kneeing and kicking in a slow, smooth nonchalance of perfect balance. When the musics over the boxers face each other lean and with muscles flexing, their bodies not showing an ounce of fat and then they are upon each other.

Pretty much anything is go in this style of fighting be it elbows, knees, feet, fists and occasionally a sneaky head (not legal) when the ref. is not looking. It seems in the stadium matches a formality that at some point blood will be spilt from eyebrows, ears, mouths or noses and if you are close enough you may even get a souvenir to take away on your shirt. The early matches you sometimes see kids as young as 10 or 12 fighting away with more enthusiasm than later fighters, with the young’s need to impress. As a night out it's more than worth an evening and the price of the ticket and if your in a gambling mood you may even try out the crazy betting that takes place at the back of the stadium!

My Asia time is almost coming to an end with under two months left, but travelling has been excellent value for time, you get so many memories for such little time that although the time goes quickly it still seems like you've been living it for years and years... So far it feels like I have ten years of memories all for the bargain price of 8 months time. These memories are now all good having been cleansed by the tender hands of time which are soft as a babies bottom due to always ensuring that they use fairy rather than daz. Yup, the mind is like a washing machine in this way, you put the memories in all dirty with some bad thoughts in them, add time in stead of powder and they come out shining with all the fear, loathing, disgust, guilt, jealousy and anger removed... Of course some of the more stubborn stains need a little more time and occasionally a really soiled memory will need to be hidden in the dustbin but in general they come out as clean as a soap dodger after a visit to the county jail!

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~ Ayuihaya! ~

Before leaving Bangkok I wanted to make a trip into Ayuihaya for a bit of temple spotting, not always that easy as some of them run away when you go near them and the cheeky Buddha statues will hide behind their cheesecake. How do I make this trip sound interesting! I really have no idea it’s just a load of temple remains and stone statues… sorry!

Before Thailand's turning to democracy the country was The Kingdom of Siam and the capital city of Siam was Ayuihaya, just two hours north of the current capital Bangkok. The main interest in Ayuihaya is that of a heritage city boasting temples, stupas, palace and remains.

The old Wang Luang Royal Palace at Ayuihaya now stands in ruins and the site is still being unearthed in the surrounding area. A few of the temples remain but mostly it has been devastated, with some surviving pillars and structures dotted around the site. Many of the Buddha statues have been decapitated looking quite lost with neither head nor arms and just the bodies remaining. From what I can make out a lot of the destruction to buildings was due to the Burmese who for years and to a degree to this day have been in conflict with Thailand. Both of the countries would take turns in sacking cities and claiming/reclaiming land. Near the palace is Wat Phra Mongkol Bophit which houses one of the biggest bronze Buddha statues that I have ever seen.

The other places of interest were a massive Reclining Buddha near Wat Yai Chai Mongkol this really is big and seems to have been dumped in a random spot. The stone of the statue was discoloured and orange material has been laid over the statues body as robe to cover the chilled out Buddha image. Reclining Buddha shows the Buddha lying down on his side with his head propped against his hand. This style of Buddha representation is the one that I find I can relate to the most, in fact Buddha was just like me, he liked to lie about all day. After this there are various other temples and temple remains holding large Buddha statues as well as a large white stupa called Wat Phu Khao Thong from where you can have a good view of Ayuihaya. I will not go into this in anymore detail, as there is no real way I can find of writing inspiringly about stone and statues. It really is a looks see thing and even then it doesn’t take many for your interest to wane.

The last temple for me to visit was Wat Phra Mahathat this is the only temple that in Ayuihaya that I really had wanted to see and the reason for my visit. Again around the temple remains were rows and rows of headless Buddha as well as some fine complete Buddha statues. The most famous relic at this temple is the head of a Buddha statue that has been reclaimed by nature and held in loving arms. At some point after the Buddha’s head left the statue a bhodi tree decided to foster the head and over the years wove it’s roots in a lovers embrace around the stone. Either that or a crafty Thai put it there to drum up tourist interest… Whatever the truth the head and the tree took their sacred vows and now live together in harmony!

Arjion being the mischievous child he is kept trying to get me to take photos of him posing behind headless Buddha statues waving his arms around. A heinous act of disrespect should any Thai people see him and a sure way to get ourselves chased out of Ayuihaya! Not a problem really as one more ancient pile of bricks and I was ready to run for the hills anyway! But you can’t take the man anywhere…

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~ Koh Tao - Dive Mania ~

The time had come at last, it really was time to move to the South of Thailand and settle down to a bit of beach time. The first of my island destinations was to be the diving island of Koh Tao (AKA - Turtle Island), which I had heard was a cheap place for doing your Open Water Padi course. This turned out to be true, it being 6,000 bhat (92 quid, 143 dollars) and the course taking 3-4 days consisting of academics, confined water diving and open water diving.

Myself and my uninvited travel partner Arjion (The crazy Dutchman) made our way by overnight coach to the ferry point and then took the boat to arrive on Koh Tao pier. From the first Arjion had struck me as a nice enough guy, but dirty Steve from 'Young Guns' impression of Billy the kid just kept on going through my head "He ain't all there, is he?". So upon arriving we signed ourselves up for our different diving courses with Asian Divers dive shop, sorted ourselves out with some cheap accommodation (By Koh Tao standards) and settled for a little relaxing on the bungalow porches. Koh Tao does have some nice beaches scattered around and potential for nightlife but the whole point of going there is to dive.

The first day of the dive course we ditched the whole swimming pool dive and went straight to a shallow beach to complete the confined water skills. Most of these skills you shouldn't have to use but are immensely important to know because when diving your only source of air is the tanks of you and your buddy (the dude that you dive with is your buddy) and so you need to know what to do in the unlikely event of a problem. The useful skills underwater are removing your mask, replacing it and then clearing it of water, removing your respirator, hovering, equalising and general breathing. The emergency skills that you learn are emergency ascent, buddy breathing, alternative air supply and weight drops. To ensure your mask doesn’t fog up, before you dive you give them a good spitting and as our instructor Peter says “The greener the cleaner!”.

Your first breath underwater with your man made gills is quite something, for a second it feels strange, the whole ocean is waiting to come pouring in, you pull in that first breath and then it's just like normal breathing... If you can call breathing like Darth Vader normal breathing! The diving experience opens up a whole new underwater world for you and I had problems concentrating on our instructor being too interested in the fish swimming around me. These colonel fish seemed to find my bubbles and me just as fascinating and for a while me and this one dude in front of my mask were staring at each other in mutual wonder!

After the first few sessions of confined water skills in shallow water about 5 meters deep you get to ascend further to 18 meters and explore a little more of the underwater garden. Any spare time we had on the bottom of the ocean floor Peter would make us deflate our BCD’s (buoyancy control device), the flippers would come off and it would be slow motion matrix style fighting time. It’s really good fun, highflying kicks become easy and dramatic falls look impressive in the slow motion action scene style. We had a slow motion game of football with a stray coconut but after heading it I realise that water doesn’t make it any less hard! Descending at the start of the dive always filled me with excitement, you have no real reference point when in the middle of descent and the ocean is huge and limitless, the light starts to fade and all you can see is the deep blue!

Once the basic skills are sorted the main thing to learn is the whole keeping yourself buoyant thing, it’s a little more involved but basically breathing in, you will rise and breathing out, you will descend. Using this you can make yourself hover above the ocean bed sitting in a Buddha style almost motionless… It’s pretty cool! Jumping out the boat you can try the James bond entry of turning over and landing in the water on your back, it’s all good fun!

At times I would end up doing something wrong and the instructor would have to sign what I needed to sort out and by the time I had sorted that out something else would be wrong. The result would be an instructor maniacally waving different instructions and me pulling off my mask, flying up, sinking fast, kicking my flippers frantically while dropping my weights and removing my respirator. The other nightmare I had was when going through a cave, the others glided through with grace while the dumass bounces of the ceiling and floor while knocking out his respirator.

One very important part of diving that you learn is the whole affect that the pressure of water has on your body. As you descend the pressure increases, at ten meters the pressure is double to that of the surface. This means that it is hugely important to equalise your airspace’s, this being to breath constantly and blow through your nose while you hold it to equalise your ears. You then ascend slowly so that your body breaths out the air that is expanding in volume as you rise; otherwise your lungs will explode! The other problem is the Nitrogen that your body takes in at a higher pressure is more than normal pressure and so as you rise you need to allow the nitrogen to leave your body naturally through breathing. If you rise too quickly then the nitrogen will try to leave your body and bubble in your blood, the bends, kind of little opening a bottle of fizzy pop when it’s been shaken!

Around the dive sites of Koh Tao we were told to beware the trigger fish, a fairly big fish with teeth that is territorial, kind of like a dog… A dog without legs, that breathes underwater, with fins and gills. Ok so not really that much like a dog! It’s not dangerous in the evil aggressive way of the shark but it will chase you out of its territory maybe nipping at your flippers and shouting “Gerrrofff my laaannd!”… No sorry that’s farmers!

Anyone, who has watched the films Jaws, Jaws 2, Jaws 3, Jaws the revenge or little Jaws on the prairie will be aware that the ocean is full of evil things that want to kill and eat you. There are things in the deep blue that bite, sting, poison, swallow, scratch and tickle you. Although this is true, most just want to chill out and will only attack in defence and generally just want a little love and affection. So next time your at the sea go on, give a fish a hug!

The shark fear was always with my, by my side at all times, waiting for any opportunity to freak me out and send me flying to the surface for a stint in the decompression chamber. Diving is just too much fun and there are too many wonderful things to see for me to let the phobia triumph. It’s a small step for man but a giant leap for stevekind!

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